4/20/2012

ill find my way.

to be honest. i've always wanted to be that girl that everyone just loves. ive always wanted to be the girl that is friends with everyone. that walks down to the hall and is smiled to by every other person. when my name is brought up in conversation id always hope there is someone saying 'oh i love that girl. she is so adorable' but thats not reality for me. im not that way at all. in fact i know im wierd. im not typical. i know people dont like me. there has been multiple times where ive come around to hear about people talking crap on me. i know for a fact people think me and my friends are 'loud, annoying, and 'want attention" it hurts. because when simply all i want is for people to accept me they dont. and usually ill cry one night about it and the next day ill wake up and decided its time to move on past it and forget them.
ive got my friends im crazy with and we have a good time. they are all just as 'obnoxious' as i am and i love them.
and there is a few other people im close with as well. maybe i don't hang out with them every weekend or sit with them at lunch. maybe they aren't so rambunctious with me. maybe they aren't my main 'group.' but we still have good chats, we still have fun memories. and they are still my close friends!
but when suddenly those girls are the ones talking about you being annoying and loud and just plain wierd. it hurts worse. your not over it after two days. you go on at school and they still talk to you and compliment you. because they have no idea you know that they don't truthfully love you like they say you do.
accepting myself through junior high has been rough. i cant count the nights i've decided 'im changing. i will no longer act like this. i will no longer be me. i need to change.' but its not so easy. it always falls through. and its hard when it falls through. because people don't like the true me. people just wont simply accept the real me. and all i want is to be accepted by my peers.
and its rough.
this is personal. and probably awkward for you guys to read. and this post may end up being deleted sooner or later. but i had to get it out at some point.
im sick of people being cocky. and im sick of people thinking they are too good for me. im sick of people always bringing me down and not caring.
im sick of fake people.
and i sure hope they can mature when high school comes around.




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to live by.

4/09/2012

dying.

my spring break has consisted of reading on my couch. watching one direction on icarly multiple times. eating cookies, playing 'draw something' 24/7. laying in my back yard. having a major head aches. and stalking everyone via twitter, facebook, and instagram.....
why must i have a week of dance off? dance is the only way im still alive.

who wants to introduce me to a life? im in need.

4/07/2012

heaven is here.

okay. stephanie nielson. is my hero. flat out. ever since seeing her morman messages video:

and then begining to read her blog,
and listening to 'all about your heart'


i always her. but now as i've read her book i've come to realize... i love her alot. actually more then alot.

this lovely book of hers arrived in the mail thursday. with the track meet i was kinda crazy busy that day, i had already read the first three chapters online a while ago though. but i couldnt wait to read the rest.
so friday after school i layed down on my couch and just read. and it was so good i couldnt stop. i spent my whole friday alone on my couch reading. while my little brother and his friends ran around my home playing hide n seek. and yet, it was a perfect friday.

after my familys 2 and a half hour spring cleaning session and a nice shower to get dust and flithe off my body i conitinued to read this book until i was finished with it and my afternoon was gone.
i literally cried all through 'part two' of the book. the sad and yet precious things that just broke my heart.

i then continued to cry all through 'part three' with happiness and graditude for her and her little adorable family. you think im probably exagerating as lots of people do these days.... but i had tears rolling down my cheeks at more parts then i can count.

this is a true love story. not made up by nicholas sparks or some other author. its true. and more then precious. at one point while stephanie was still in the hospital and having a hard time, the doctor told her they knew it was a true love between her and her husband. because as her husband woke up from his coma and she was still in hers he came to visit her. he put he hand on hers and talked to her - even though she obviously doesnt remember this - her heart rate went so high they had to ask him to leave. isnt that just the most precious thing you've ever heard??
if that doesnt make tears come to your eyes i dont know what will.

on the front cover of this book one of the reviews says "i recommend this book to anyone who needs a reminder of just how strong the human spirit is..." its true. the ammount of trial the nielson family overcame after the accident is just amazing!

in the book, stephanie quoted a talk that elder holland wrote with her family in mind after the plane crash... the quotes went a little like this.
"not all angels are from the other side of the veil. some of them we walk with and talk with here and now everyday. indeed heaven never seems closer then when we see love of god manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind"
"i testify that bad days always come to an end. that faith always triumphs. and that heavenly promises are always kept"

loved reading those quotes so much.

now lastly you should understand this post isnt just titled 'heaven is here' because its the name of her book. but also because of this part of her book:
"i do think that insofar as heaven is a joyful place filled with people you love. and where you feel peaceful and genuinely happy, then its true. heaven is right here."

if its the last thing you do. read this book.

4/01/2012

some are the melody and some are the beat.

this weekend i was down in logan for a dance competition. friday was my solo. took fourth. but you should understand i was HALF a point away from the girl that took third and ONE point away from the girl who took second. it was all so close! and i felt very pleased with my performance:) im reall just proud of myself. it went well.


costume. love the ruffely bum.


hair piece. gotta love the 'bird cage' look.



logan has the cutest little town. adorable homes, theaters, bakerys, and antique shops. i wanna live there someday. being in that whole atmosphere just put me in a good mood:)

too hilarous. i know.
then saturday came. our studio had a total of six dances competing. i was in two of those six. and lets just say all six of those dances took first in there categories. five of our dance (including my two) also got overall awards. one of those also got most technical award AND got GRAND CHAMPION! lets just say... we totally rocked that whole entire copetition.

it was a flawless weekend.
i love competition.