its never enough.

sometimes life just seems to get to complicated. school today was real rough. so upset all day. i go out of my way to be nice to people. and to apoligizeto people i've made mad. and to please people. and i got nothing in return but dirty looks and the cold shoulder.
i have millions of people upset with me right now. silent treatment rocks? this whole time i just put my self down and tell myself im an awful friend. because honestly im not a good friend and this isnt some pity party thing. its literal and true.
its just that when i get upset im not in the mood for people and there crap. if your gonna be my friend you have to be patient and willing to take me and work with me when im angry. because when im angry and you don't understand me ill just chew you out. so if no one wants to be my friend because its a lot of work fine. i get it. it is a lot of work and its a hastle.
im just sick of having to realize everyday how im such an awful friend and such an awful daughter. constantly making myself just wanna cry.

but im glad to finally come to the conclusion im never gonna please anyone.. im never gonna be what everyone wants to be. not everyone is always gonna be happy with me. its never going to happen.

no im not always happy with myself. but im going to be. im not gonna try to please my friends. im not gonna focus my life on them being happy. im selfish. but i dont care.

on the way to school "keep me in mind" by zac brown band was on. i had that song stuck in my head the rest of the day. specifically the part that says "lifes to easy to be so complicated"
its so true. why do we make everything harder then it needs to be?!
so im gonna just chill. im gonna just go with it. im going to do what i need to do to please myself.. and if your not happy with what im doing [im doing my best] so get over it and dont hastle me with your complaints.


have i ever told you??

 i love dancing. i love dancing a lot. it makes any day that much better.


it puzzles me.

i often ask myself.... how do i have friends? lets just say sometimes i get upset. and when im upset, im upset. and i take all my anger out on people that don't understand me 100%. and lets face it, when im upset no one understands me 100%. most friends just tell me to calm down. but really? that only makes me freak out more. i don't wanna be told to 'calm down' by the idiot im currently upset with. thats why i am thankful for that one girl, she gets that im just having a mental break down. and when i freak out at her all she does is say "so sorry im being so selfish and im being an awful friend" and thats generally what calms me down.... because obviously its not true, and she knows its not true. she is just being a good friend and getting me to settle down the appropriate way.

 even if theres only one friend that talks to me the way i wanna be talked to, i still question those other friends that make me mad, how are they even my friends? im still greatful for them. because no matter how much i yell at them. they're still there. and i don't really know how any of them handle courtney hill at her worst.

so im thankful for those who put up with me. they mean everything to me.


money talks but it dont sing and dance and it dont walk.

its been nine days since i last blogged. and my last two posts have been nothing but rubbish.
i lack creativity.
but until i find some, listen to piano song by meiko.
cause i surely adore it. maybe you will as well.



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sometimes when im on pinterest i have to run to the bathroom so i don't pee all over my computer chair. its fine.


i died.

you might want to click on the link below and read that post.


im not sure if everyones sense of humor is like mine? but i found it so hilarious.


every second is a highlight.

some highlights of my year?

the birth of cecilia baker. our paper cat.

trying out for both sytycd viking style, and vikings best dance crew.
vikings sytycd in eigth grade seen here.
vikings best dance crew in ninth grade seen here.

first love.

dont fret. our relationship is still continuing on stronger then ever.

the start of ugly sweater day.

me and my lover celebrated his 17th birthday.

me and my lover celebrated my 14th birthday.

fabulous spring break. - trafalga everyday?? im so five years old.

im a rat. i know.

first all nighter. up til 8:30 a.m. (yes i didn't have an official all nighter til this past year. i usually get tired and 6a.m.)

school dances. im a character.

competed with my first solo.

lagoon with the friends.

we had a contest to see who could sit on the ice to longest. this is after kailin and sabrina already dropped out. me and savannah ended up sitting there forever. it would of never ended. numb butts.

san fransisco for dance tour:)

girls camp. best year of it!

^^dont worry. i am aware of how cute i am.^^

efy (really wasnt even that fun. just thought you should know. i went)

rascal flatts concert.

taylor swift concert.

began cereal collection.

began coreography for my second solo.

no pictures. haha.

participated in a flash mob.

braces off.

major hair cut.

congratulations if you got through this whole past. you must rock.
sorry most of these pictures have been seen on my blog before.
happy 2012.